Manifestation

Thanks to the quick reels of social media I recently learned about manifestation and had a realization.

The particular reel in questions shows a woman standing outside shouting up to the sky that she would like either all the things on her plate to do taken away, or her chronic illness taken away so she can do all the things on her plate.  Immediately, I related to her and her cry for help.  But, then she looks at her camera with a bit of an attitude and says, "It's called manifestation.  Look it up!"  

Manifestation is a New Age belief that you can believe or affirm something into existence.  It's the power of positive thinking, and of speaking into the Universe.  As a Christian, obviously I don't believe in New Age practices and personal spiritualism, but BUT I realized that many Christians do practice a form of Manifestation, and that a form of Manifestation was practiced within my old church.

Certain factions of evangelicalism got into the "Name It and Claim It" movement and the various renamed or slightly altered practices of it.  While my former church denounced Name It and Claim It, they still held onto a certain belief system that mirrors Manifestation, which is why I related to the woman and recognized it.  In fact, before she told the camera what she was doing I thought she was praying to God!  I thought she was doing similar to what we did in our old church.  

The idea in my old church was the God wants to give us all the good.  He wants to heal and fix and bless and all those things, which is true...to a point, but there was this undercurrent of needing to find the right prayer formula, the right amount of faith, the right spiritual practices in the right amount.  It was a constant battle of trying to figure out what God wanted from us so that we could do it just right and get our prize at the end, whatever we've asked for.  

I remember Evangelists and Pastors saying things like, "So and so tithed 10% on their gross income, first thing Friday when the check arrived, they set aside crisp bills for the offering envelope, and God gave them a new house!"  Or, "So and so asked for a new car/a spouse/a job and was very specific in what they wanted and God blessed their bold faith with exactly that."  We'd have alter calls where we'd pray and pray and pray, working ourselves up into loud, emotional frenzies, tongues, music, shouting, sobbing hoping to hear from the Holy Spirit or for a prayer to be answered.  And there were times when it didn't "work" and we'd be returned to our pews only to be admonished for not having enough faith, or having a hidden sin, or not doing enough.  All of these are just Manifestation, a New Age practice wrapped in a Jesus cloak.  

There's a difference between believing that the Lord loves to give His children good things and answer their prayers and believing that we can pry good things out of God if we just insert the right formula.  

Now, my church would "church it up" by saying "The Lord is ready to give.  Are you ready to receive?"  This implied that everything is ours for the taking because the Lord already gave it to us.  We just have to "go get it" "believe and receive."  It took away the relationship, the Fatherhood of God, His Will for us, His design, His purpose, His glory and Kingdom."  What if God's perfect gift to us is the hardship?  What if His Will is the hurt and pain and suffering that others may grow in virtue and benefit, or even ourselves?  

I know many women with chronic illnesses, including myself, who have been spiritual abused by such practices, wondering why God hasn't healed them, but living under this belief system that God wants them healed, they just aren't doing things just right enough to manifest that healing.  They hyper-focus on the woman with the issue of blood and how her simple faith healed her and wonder why all of their faithful efforts haven't brought forth healing.  I have to remind them that Christ didn't heal everyone while He was on earth.  He didn't raise everyone from the dead.  Not everyone received his bread and fish.  I have to remind them that He allowed for His own cousin, John the Baptist, to be beheaded!  The apostles suffered greatly.  Christians were persecuted.  Saints suffered many illnesses.  Not because God isn't good, but because He IS and His ways are not our ways.  

Manifestation is a New Age practice.  It is witchcraft.  In the church, it is American-centric picket-fence witchcraft in which we, based on our culture, think we are entitled to the Christo-American idealism of health, wealth, and happiness.  

We can certainly pray for healing and for changes in our life circumstances.  By all means, do!  But, remember, "not my will, but Thy Will be done." 

 

What is Forgiveness?

 

There are many people in our lives who have not apologized to us for the harm they've done towards us.  Some of them we can easily forgive.  We understand it was out of character for them, or a misunderstanding, or they were children at the time and didn't quite know better, or the incident was rather small in the grand scheme of things an had no lasting effect on us.  Sometimes, however, there are people who have hurt us deeply, or continue to hurt us.  Some may be sorry but never apologize.  Some may not be sorry at all.  Some may be hard-hearted and blind to their abuses.  Some may feel justified in being a rotten person towards others.  

It can be very difficult to forgive such a person.  I have such a person in my life who has caused me to contemplate forgiveness for many years, now.  It is easy to forgive a contrite person.  For me, it's even easy to forgive a person who did wrong in the past, never apologized, but has turned over a new leaf, or left my life and isn't a bother to me anymore.  But, it is very hard to forgive someone who continues with being a difficult and hurtful person and isn't sorry for it.  

I recently decided, thanks to learning about the Catholic teaching of offering it up, to offer up all the sufferings I endure with this person for their salvation and conversion to the Catholic Faith.  They are the kind of person who would make an awesome Saul-to-Paul conversion story (which, incidentally, is probably why the devil has such a grip on them).  I thought it would be sweet and easy to just grab those hurts hurled at me and float them up to heaven like mylar party balloons.  How I really react is quite different.

Anger, hurt, tears, resentment.  I swear under my breath.  I even flip them off behind their back.  I get so angry!  But the worst reaction I have, Lord, forgive me, is that I don't want to offer up the sufferings for their salvation because I don't necessarily want them encroaching on my faith walk, going to church with me, and I get so angry I don't want them in heaven with me.  They're always talking about how much fun hell is and how much better it'll be to go there than heaven, so I sometimes just want to say, "fine, go there, then, and leave me at peace in Heaven!"

That is not what God wants of me.  Imagine if Christ thought that way on the cross.  "I'm dying for you and you want Barabbas?!  Fine!  Have him!  I'll take the few remaining faithful and go."  No.  He wants all of us to come Home to Him, no matter how horribly we've treated him.  He wants this person in Heaven and if I have to suffer for them to get there, that's what I've been called to do.  

So, what is forgiveness in all of this?  Forgiveness is wanting them to be in Heaven with you, to spend eternity with them, should they accept the Lord's invitation.  

Even now as I type this I struggle with the idea.  Perfect contrition is so difficult to achieve, it seems.  Perfect forgiveness, too.  Lord, help me and have mercy.

The Weaker Vessel

Ye husbands, likewise dwelling with them according to knowledge, giving honour to the female as to the weaker vessel, and as to the co-heirs of the grace of life: that your prayers be not hindered.  1 Peter 3:7

There are always bits and pieces of Holy Scripture that makes us cringe a little.  This is no exception, except it makes society cringe.  "What do you mean women are weak?!"  

I've heard many different explanations of this phrase ranging from the absurd to the practical on different sides of the religious spectrum.

The most absurd I've heard from secularists is that the author of 1 Peter is a misogynist. 

The most absurd I've heard from Christians is that women are vapid, weak, dumb, emotional, and flippant compared to men.  

Other, more practical explanations include:

1.  Women are generally physically, muscularly weaker than men.
2.  In the society of the time (and of history at large) women were seen as property or as lesser citizens than men, making them more vulnerable.
3.  Women's reproductive biology, especially before modern menstrual products and medical care, made them more vulnerable.
4.  We are overall more bodily delicate, more affected by the elements, our skin is thinner, etc.

I think the Bible verse can mean the above 4 explanations, but, ultimately, these verses are about one spouse being a believer and the other spouse not being a believer!  If you start at the beginning of the chapter, St. Peter is telling wives how they might be witness and win over their husbands to Christ.  Then, he begins to say to husbands, "ye, likewise..." 

The weaker vessel isn't necessarily women in general, but the unbelieving spouse!!!!

Another thing I've noticed is that some translations call the woman the weaker vessel, but others say "as unto the weaker vessel" or "as to the weaker vessel."  That's a tiny difference that makes a big change.  

Read it with these Catholic glasses on, that the weaker vessel isn't women in general, but rather the unbelieving spouse.  See how this section of Scripture jumps to life and understanding more!

Sign of the Cross

You know how children will be playing or going about life and then they come running to their mother or father and give them a hug before running back into their childhood activities?  That's what the sign of the cross feels like to me, sometimes.  

It's like those moments of needing to check in with my Father, my family, before I return to going about my life.  

Sometimes, it's just an expression of love I want to share.

Sometimes, I need reassurance.

Sometimes, I need to feel safe.

 

Act of the Will

 

I'm tired.  Very tired.

I cried out to God this morning for so many things that are heaped upon me to the point of near despair in some cases.  Before leaving the prayer, I was still so heavy-hearted and didn't want to feel like that the whole day.  The Bible verse, "This is the day the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it," came to mind.  As I said it out loud, I emphasized "will."  

Whenever I said it before, I said it almost like an incantation, as if saying it enough would magically make me rejoice and be glad.  This time, with the emphasis on "will," I realized it takes a choice, a decision, an act of the will to rejoice and be glad.  This isn't something that comes from without that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  This is an active choice from within my own will to recognize the wonderful works of the Lord to the praise and glorify Him, to be glad of Him despite all the troubles and external influences bothering me.  

And, no, it isn't easy.  Everything in me wants to curl up and sleep until I feel better, but I have a full day ahead of me, a full weekend ahead of that, and a full week beyond that, and a full summer flowing into an even more full autumn and winter.  I have an exceptionally busy Lent next year, too.  But, I can see the day for what it is, a day the Lord has made.  And I am so glad He made it.  I am so glad I can cast all my cares on Him, just chuck them down at the foot of the cross and run to Him with gladness.

Considering My Ways

 

This morning, after another busy, stressful day yesterday, and after another terrible night's sleep last night, I woke up later than I intended, still tired, feeling a little sick, with another hugely busy, stressful day ahead of me.  

As I trudged to the bathroom I felt a heaviness on my heart that I'm often too busy to pray and devote myself to the Lord.  And when I do have some time, I'm often too tired.  If I start to pray, my mind wanders in every direction because of the mental load and fatigue, or a fall asleep.  

The saying, "we prioritize what is truly important to us," came into my mind, and my reply was, "I WANT to prioritize my Christian walk, but I can't as well as I'd like because the world makes me prioritize work, the kids' schooling, paying bills, keeping the house clean, etc."  The world has so many demands that I can't ignore because it's ILLEGAL.  I'll get in trouble if I don't get a vehicle registered and insured.  I'll get in trouble if I don't pay my taxes or educate my children.  I'll lose my job if I'm lax is going to work.  My family will suffer if the house is filthy and healthy foods aren't made.  Surely, God understands.

He does understand, and yet there's that twinge in my conscience.

When I wanted to just scroll my phone mindlessly, I grabbed my Douay Bible, instead and randomly opened it to Aggeus (this particular Bible is over 100 years old, so modern or Protestant Bibles would have Haggai).  In Chapter 1 the Lord says, "And now thus saith the Lord of hosts:  Set your hearths to consider your ways.  You have sowed much, and brought in little:  you have eaten, but have not had enough:  you have drunk, but have not been filled with drink:  you have clothe yourselves, but have not been warmed:  and he that hath earned wages , put them into a bag with holes....Set your hearths upon your ways."

The Lord goes on to tell them to go back to rebuilding the temple.  Finish what they started.  

In the historical notes in the preface to the Prophecy of Aggeus, it says that the temple was being rebuilt, but construction was stopped due to pressure from the Samaritans.  

This is one of those parallels in my life that is so blatantly obvious.  I love clear private revelations.  

Everything is exactly how I feel!  

You have sowed much, and brought in little.  I always feel like I work very VERY hard for what little gain I actually receive.  Even in my own gardens I feel like all the work comes back weeds and rocks and not a fruitful harvest, but this extends to every area of my life.

You have eaten, but have not had enough.  This is true.  I am so busy that oftentimes I just grab and go, or I eat quickly.  I'm eating, but I'm not feeling fulfilled.  There are even times I eat dinner, but not in gratitude and good health.  I eat it with the bitter disappointment that I have to clean it all up and I'm just so tired.  

You have drunk, but you have not been filled with drink.  I thirst for the Lord.  I thirst for so many good things.  I can grab sips here and there, but really, it gets away from me so quickly.  I feel like my walk with the Lord and a good, ordered life is like the bottle of water I set on the counter.  I intend to drink the whole thing, but find I'm too busy and only grab sips upon passing, only to see by the end of the night there's still half a bottle left and I haven't been properly hydrated.

You have clothed yourself, but you have not been warmed.  It does feel like I'm not protected.  It does feel like I'm open to oppression and chastisement.  It's like when I'm dressed in warm pajamas in my heated home and tucked under a thick comforter and I shiver and can't sleep because it feels like the cold is coming from within, like my bones are ice.  

And he that hath earned wages, put them into a bag with holes.  This is a big one.  I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why, despite working so hard, my husband and I always seem to struggle with money.  We live frugally, but there always seems to be problems, emergencies, expenses.   Put it this way:  My brother-in-law makes pretty much the same yearly wage as my husband, yet my sister can afford to stay home.  They have a nicer home, newer vehicles, a camper, and can afford vacations and camping trips.  We just seem to work to pay down debts and cover bills and expenses that never seem resolved.  I really does feel like we just put our wages into bags with holes.

The Lord goes on to say in Aggeus:  You have looked for more, and behold it became less, and you brought it home and I blowed it away:  why, saith the Lord of hosts?  because my house is desolate and you make haste every man to his own house.  Therefore the heavens over you were stayed from giving dew, and the earth was hindered from yielding her fruits:  And I called for a drought upon the land, and upon the mountains, and upon the corn, and upon the wine, and upon the oil, and upon all that the ground bringeth forth, and upon men, and upon beasts, and upon all the labour of the hands.

This is EXACTLY what it feels like in my life right now.  The more I seek, the less I find, it seems.  The Bible says that a good Father would not give His son a stone when he asks for bread, but I say that it feels like God not only gives me a stone, but throws it through my window!  

But why?  Why this chastisement?  Is it me?  Is it my husband?  Is it both of us?  As I type this out and examine myself, I feel a heaviness and sadness upon my own heart, but also a feeling of hopefulness and joy because I know the Lord is calling me out.  He is using this to bring me to Him.  I can't control my husband, and to some extent, my children.  But I can do something about me and my walk with the Lord.

A part of me doesn't understand.  After all, I'm the one who wants to follow the Lord.  I'm the one who goes to Mass, reads the Bible, listens to Catholic podcasts, prays, puts up iconography, tries, and yet I feel like I'm targeted and it brings me to how I felt while I was in the Assembly of God church, that it was "never enough."  But even as I type this, I feel bitterness in my heart.  That joy and hopefulness of the previous paragraph are gone.  That's a good clue as to what is of the Lord and what is not.

It isn't about all the things I do in the walk with Christ.  God knows.  He sees all that, just as He saw that they were trying to rebuild the temple and fear got in the way.  God is pulling me through and beyond all that.  He's calling me to take steps forward in faith.  It's not enough to stand on the foundation of an unfinished temple.  It's time to build again.  

Philippians 1:6  Being confident of this very thing, that he who hath begun a good work in you, will perfect it unto the day of Christ Jesus.

I feel like the Lord is telling me that I've been trying, like the foolish man, to build my way upon sand, and that's why it keeps washing away.  It's like I'm trying to build something myself and then I can invite the Lord in.  Instead, I need to build upon the Rock.  The Lord is the architect, not me.  He provides the plans,  the tools, and helps me grow in the skills.  His Church are fellow laborers.  

What Are We Doing?!

 

I was in my mid-30s, standing and singing in my pew during the worship service in an Assembly of God church, just as I had been doing since I was 4 years old.  Suddenly, I stopped singing and looked around the congregation.  I had this sudden and inexplicable feeling, almost like I woke up out of a trance or dream.  I looked at everyone singing along and raising hands.  I looked at the worship leader.  I had this thought that if a non-Christian came in from off the street they'd wonder why in the world these people were singing at each other!  I wondered, "what are we doing and why are we doing it?"

Every so often we evangelicals were reminded by our pastors or an evangelist that the way we conducted our church services was very much like how the early church did it.  However, I could not see the early church behaving as we did.  What we were doing seemed very modern and cultural.  As I looked back into church history I began to realize that it was indeed modern and cultural.  

But, that moment, that awakening out of the comfortable acceptance of "doing church" was the beginning of the end for me.  That was the moment I started questioning things.